We were special at one point

The Middle East. We were special at one point. Today I would like to take a minute to look at where we are, where we were, and how we’ve fallen so far. For decades, we’ve lived and survived off of stories of the “ancestors.” They did this, they did that. Pioneers in medicine and science. Inventors of soap and the compass. Best food on the planet – that part is still true. You ever have Syrian shawarma? Or Egyptian koshari? Or Palestinian hummos? Yeah, we can still cook. But aside from that, we are the most backwards place on Earth. War-plagued and divided, we were once the center of immigration, education and innovation, the ones who created the foundations for the modern world, we are now behind everyone else on Earth.

Let’s start with the wars.

Syria. Palestine. Iraq. Libya. Yemen.

Palestine first.

The Palestinians are victims of European supremecy. Denied a right to their homeland, forced out and villianized, the Palestinians are not given equal rights, denied access to water, education. They are overly policed and treated in the most inhuman of ways. Their situation is not their fault. And to explain why, we must address the most common argument of those who try to ignore it.

The most common argument against the Palestinians being given a state is that Palestine never existed. There is much to write about regarding the Palestinians and the Israelis and that entire conflict, but since this post will focus on FIVE wars, I will only address the BIGGEST ARGUMENTS. Perhaps in another post I will give my full thoughts on this issue, and why I believe that a one state, non denominational state is the only solution. For now, I’ll address the talking point I hear the most.

Palestine did exist. If you stop thinking in Western ways for a minute. The state of a western style state with borders and a ruling mansion did not exist. But not only in Palestine, that style of organizing your civilization did not exist in the Americas with the Native Americans, or with the African tribes of what is today Ghana, the Ivory Coast. The Europeans have this way of thinking, that if something is not exactly like ours then it’s wrong. It’s ours for the taking. The name Palestine exists in the history books of those who wrote to give it away, but you don’t need to look towards the British and French to justify the existance of Palestine. It was not a Western style state, but it was a nation. With people living there. Who called it home. But those people were not white, like the Native Americans before them. The Black South Africans. The American slaves. The Indians. The ancestors of the modern day Ghanians. And so the Europeans, as was their ways, did not even treat them as humans, ignoring the people of that land to do with it what they pleased.

Well, that may be true you say, but this is the case all over. The Americans killed the Natives, Australians killed the Aboriginals. Gotta get over it.

The problem is, the attacks on Palestine’s existance continues today. Israeli settlements continue to steal land from the Palestinians in the West Bank, where a system of Apartheid is in place. Archbishop Desmond Tutu, the freedom fighter from South Africa called the Apartheid system in Palestine worse than what he endured under White only rule in South Africa. A UN report that came out in 2017 used the word Apartheid to describe the Israelis occupation of Palestinian terretories, saying that they faced “discrimination in access to healthcare, education, housing, emplyment, building rights and residency.” Palestinians children are arrested and tossed in jail. There are roads that they are not allowed to walk on. They can be forced from their homes and forced to give them up to illegal settlers. These are all documented offenses. So When I say that the Palestinians are not at fault for their dilema, I mean it. All they want is to live free on their land. They are the indeginous people. They don’t invite the settlers to come in and take away their land, their kids and their rights. And we haven’t even talked about the horrors of what Israel does in Gaza. But like I said. Another post, for another day.

Libya.

Libya was a civil war disguised as a revolution. Gaddafi was horrible man, but he was not the universally hated devil that the west painted him to be. What you have to understand about Libya is this; Libya is not a unifed state. Historically it is 3 states, with two main ones that we will discuss. Tripoli and El Barqa. Let’s call Tripoli the West, and El Barqa the East, for the sake of keeping things simple. After the fall of colonialism in Libya, this new country with western drawn borders, brought together three very different regions, that historically were never a real nation. In Libya, the tribe comes before the country. But Libya needed a ruler, and King Idris became it’s first head of state. A king from the East. Idris was overthrown in bloodless coup by Gaddafi, a man from Sirte, a town in the West. Gaddafi would, during his four decades in power, pour a lot of money into the west. Most famously, he turned Sirte from a fishing village into a thriving metropolis. So to be blunt, he was not the hated man you were told he was. He was very popular in Africa, and he maintains a very high level of popularity amongst many Libyans, particularly in the areas he helped develp.

I’ll give you an example. After Sirte fell, the city wouldn’t get behind the new regime. I remember reading an article from that time about how schools would not play the new national anthem.

Now, that was all important background information, because now we have to talk about the rebels. Can you find anyone who can tell you what these people stood for?

It’s so easy to WANT them to be democratic. Republicans. People who are the future of North Africa. But the rebel army came together for one reason and one reason alone. To de throne Gaddafi. These were people of many backgrounds. Those who believed in democracy, and those who believed in ISIS. Those who wanted conservative Islamism in the form of Turkey, and those who wanted a secular dictatorship in the form of Egypt. The rebels were never a unified force, led by former members of the Gaddafi regime, the west rushed in to “help” the rebels out of pure hatred of Gaddafi. In their rush to “help” we created a massive issue. Gaddafi was killed, and now, you had a bunch of small militias, all with massivly different views on how to govern Libya.

There were of course, those who believed in Democracy, and Libya had a democratic election. There were those who belived in a strongman, a military leader like Egypt’s El-Sisi, those followed Khalifa Haftar, a Libyan general who declared war on Islamism. And there are those who wanted the ISIS model of Syria to come to Libya. Can these ideologies co exist?

They didn’t think so either. And so we are currently in the middle of the second Libyan civil war. A country overrun by guns, with no infrastructure in place thanks to Gaddafis fears of a coup.

Yemen.

Saudi Arabia’s fault. This country, this war, it’s on Salman. It’s on his son. This is their mess.

In Feburary of 2011, millions of Yemenis took to the streets to demand the ouster of their tyranical dictator, Ali Abdulla Saleh. Revolution insued, the president stepped down, the vice president became president, and then war broke out.

OK OK OK. Back up a bit. A minute, an hour.

Yemen is historically two countries. North and South. The country is the poorest in the Middle East, and it is overrun by terrorists of the Al Qaeda and Iran kind. Al Qaeda is usually working with the government to keep people scared, while the Iranian backed terror group known as the Houthis, has considerable support amongst the nation’s sizable Shia population. So. South and North don’t like each other. Al Qaeda usually allied with ex president Saleh. Houthis, supported and funded by Iran.

OK. War broke out. The Houthis overthrew the government. With Iran’s backing they took over most of Yemen, and the president had to flee to Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia now, hates everything Iran. So, naturally, they attacked. And they attacked brutally. Yemenis today are dying from easily curable diseases. They don’t have access to clean water. Saudi Arabia has devastated the poorest country in the region. They are responsible for the humanitarian catastophe in Yemen, worse than anything I’ve seen in a long time. And the Yemeni people are not to blame for their prediciment. Their fate has neve rbeen in their own hands. The former president Saleh would release Al Qaeda on them to keep them in line. Iran controls the Houthis who keep them in line. Saudi Arabia bombs them and controls their current…errr…president…to keep them in line. They have no wealth. The poverty level is insane. All while surrounded by the wealthiest countries on Earth. Saudi Arabia, UAE, Qatar. And you may ask, why would I mention them. It’s not their fault Yemen is so poor. But I mention them because I know Arab culture. I know what these Arab leaders brag about to propogate their regimes. “Arabs are one. We stand together, help each other.” Qatar and the UAE put billions into buying Manchester City and Paris Saint Germain to entertain Europeans, while their NEIGHBOR. Running out of water and food and medicine. They bomb. There is a word in the Arabic language called “Orooba.” “Arabness” or “the essence of the Arabs.” This word is used to say that  we must all help each other, support each other. Its a word that carries significant weight in the Arabic language. And not one Arab leader can be described with that word. They all lack Orooba.

Iraq.

Sorry. This one’s on us. Bush was a bad president. We killed a million Iraqis, handed Baghdad to the Iranians and kind of created the right environment for one ISIS to grow. Our bad. I’m sure the US will never try that ever again! We have…oh crap we’re doing it again in

Syria.

So I want to talk about Syria and Iraq together, because the two countries are EXTREMLY SIMMILAR.

So Assad and Saddam Hussien are both Ba’thist minority rulers. Let me explain what I just said.

The Ba’ath party is an Arab nationalistic Socialist party. Secular, the party believes in some very good things, such as women’s rights. Syria for example, under Assad, was definetly the best place in the Middle East to be a woman, to be a Christian, or Shia, or Armenian. Assad had an excellent track record of protecting minorities and women.

The Ba’ath party also believes in absolute rule, and crushing anyone who steps in their way, so there’s that.

Because of the Ba’ath party’s historical allegience to the now defunct Soviet Union, they don’t like America. At all. America = bad. Russia = good. So that’s that. Assad is from a minority sect of Islam known as the Alawites. He is an Arab. Syria is ethnically diverse. The dominant group are the Sunni Arabs, followed by the Sunni Kurds, the Sunni Turkmen, Christian Arabs, Alaweite Arabs, Druze, Christian Armenians, ext. That order is probobly not correct. The one two that are correct are the first 2. Arabs and Kurds are the largest 2 groups.

Saddam Hussien was a Sunni Arab, in a country where the dominant group was Shia Arabs, followed by Sunni Arabs, followed by Sunni Kurds, followed by Christian Arabs. So both came from minorities in their own country. Similar enough.

Syria started out as a protest movement, and here is where you can copy and paste what I wrote about Libya. But unlike Libya, the infrastructure of Syria was strong. And even with western backing for a very vague rebellion, the Syrian army never fell.

Now while the Syrian army never fell, they were also weakened. So while the west rushed to overthrow Assad for reasons while supporting awful tyrants all over the world like El Sisi, Assad’s allies rushed to his defense. Syria had a strong relationship with Russia, allowing the Russians to pretty much run the show. China, Iran, Lebanon all stood by Assad, and with their support he has taken back much of the land from the rebels. They are now irrelevant almost. They will not win this war. But another force popped up in Syria. Maybe you’ve heard of them. ISIS? Bad people. Now, Syria’s war has now become an international festival for the war happy. Saudi Arabia want’s Assad gone out of love for democracy…..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He likes Iran so he has to go.

Turkey wants Assad gone because they made a point to support all the Arab Spring uprisings when they began, and they’re like the Trump supporter who STILL supports him now, just having to come up with excuse after excuse for being there.

The west is in Syria to colonize. They don’t own that government like they do Egypt and others, and the west only allows dictators when they follow their orders.

Russia is in to colonize. They own Syria, they don’t want the west to have it.

China is in it for business. Lebanon is in it to support Iran.

And that ladies and gentlemen is where we are at. The world fighting in Syria, forcing the Syrians to leave, while also rejecting them from coming in. Nothing is more insane than bombing the Syrians, forcing them to leave, then when they come to you for help you turn them away.

And that, my readers, is my Middle East. That’s how we got here.

The Bullets

The NBA playoffs are about to start, and I could not be less enthusiastic about it. You see, I love my basketball. The Wizards are easily my favorite team in all of American sports. Easy. And I would LOVE SO MUCH to one day see them lift that Larry O’Brien trophy. But this won’t be the year. Our team is falling apart, at the wrong time. And this was supposed to be the year we proved ourselves. We proved the doubters wrong. So before I get ready to cheer on my Wizards, let’s analyze what’s gone wrong in DC.

The Fans.

DC used to be crazy about basketball. You ever watch the old Bullets games, with the arenas that looked over crowded. The Bullet teams of the 70s and 80s had DC, Maryland and Virginia basketball mad. That is definitely not the case anymore, as the Wizards are easily the least popular team in town. The Capitals are number one of course, followed by the one Washington team I won’t support…let’s call them the Washington Whiteskins, since that’s probably ok with them given their history. The Nationals are popular but a clear third. Heck, even DC United averages more fans than the Wizards. The fan passion is gone.

Part of the reason why is clear. The Wizards have been abysmal for the past 3 decades. Insanely awful. Brutally crap. That’s going to kill a lot of fan interest right there.

A lot of it has to do with the name change. The Bullets were good. They won a championship. They were feared and respected and loved. Ever since we changed our name to the Wizards, things haven’t been the same. And maybe that’s what’s needed to jolt the fan base. Perhaps seeing the Bullets logos again, the Bullets jerseys. Maybe returning to our old name would help pipe up interest for the Wizards.

But most importantly, fans are not as interested because the Wizards don’t inspire confidence. Even though we expect to make the playoffs these days, there is no one alive that thinks we can beat Cleveland in a 7 game series. We don’t sign big names, we lose out on big signings to Boston and Golden State. We don’t give off the aura of a team that’s trying to win a championship. We’re one of the most boring teams in America. Good enough for the playoffs. Too good to win the draft lottery. Too bad to win a title.

When the fans are not happy, the team won’t move forward.

DC.

You have a great basketball club. With an awesome history. We can be something special again. This year the team has collapsed. Rebuild. Move forward. Bring back the Bullets. Make basketball great again in DC.

Let’s go Wizards.

Time Never Eases The Pain

In a few short months, it’ll be exactly eight years since my grandmother passed away. She was my favorite person on Earth, and she died two days before our plane was supposed to land in Egypt, where she lived. There has never been a moment like that one in my life. I never cried that hard before. Never felt that kind of depressed since. She was a wonderful human being, and the world really is worse off that she isn’t here any more. Eight years later, I still cry when I remember her, she’s still on my mind, and I know there will never come a moment when I get used to the fact that she’s no longer in my life.

Let me tell you about her.

As long as I could remember, she couldn’t walk without help. This meant she rarely ever left her son’s apartment, and if she did, it would take a lot of preparations to get a car ready, not to mention the long climb down the narrow stairs of my uncle’s apartment building. But when she did leave, she would visit another one of her children, usually having to stay with them a few days before going back.

I remember one time she came to stay with us for a couple of days, and my cousin who was used to having her around, was so upset she left, he came looking for her, wanting to bring her back. He was extremely attached to her, and it makes sense, she raised him since he was a baby.

She was never a burden on anyone, always doing what she can for herself, and giving from what she had. When I lived in Egypt for a year, she would send us chicken with one of my aunts just out of the blue. One day my aunt would be at the apartment, with a few chickens. Courtesy of your grandma.

She really loved my mom, her only daughter. She spent as much time as she can with her, and I never saw them fight about anything ever. Never saw my mother even argue or raise her voice with her. Not one time. Even when we were in Egypt for a year, not one fight. They just enjoyed each others company, and she loved to spend time with us, my siblings and I, as much as she could.

I couldn’t understand her accent very well. She was from Sohag, a city in southern Egypt with a thick, Sa’idi dialect that is difficult for people from the North to understand. Here I was coming from America, struggling to understand the accent of the North, and my grandma’s strong Sa’idi accent was always really difficult for me to understand. I’d ask her to repeat herself a lot.

I’d go watch soccer with her. Whenever my favorite team was on, she’d always root for them alongside me, even though I knew she didn’t like them.

I have a lot of amazing memories with her. She was perfect. But the one regret I have.

I didn’t say goodbye when I had the chance.

The last day I was with her, she was sitting in the balcony. We were leaving for America the next day, and we didn’t tell her. We didn’t want to upset her or have her crying while she was spending our last day together. So when I went to hug her in the balcony, I was trying to say goodbye, while she said “see you tomorrow.”

That was the last time I ever saw her.

And it just never got any easier.

 

The Legend of Liverpool

Oh Liverpool. My love, my therapy, my club. ANOTHER ANFIELD NIGHT.

God, sometimes I wish I was Scouse. You know how much I have to love that club to actually prefer being Scouse to being American? There is no team in America that can even compare to the love I have for you Reds.

I had a feeling we’d beat Man City. Historically they are terrible at Anfield. Only defeat all year in the Premiership? Anfield. But 3-0. THAT PERFORMANCE. Salah. Ox. Sane. That, I did not expect. Liverpool, you own Europe and European nights. And you know what? Look at our squad. We should not be competing with Man City on paper. Their billion dollar squad, the salaries that only the Madrids and Barcelonas can pay. We shouldn’t be competing. Our starting backs cost a combines 8 million. Robertson came from Hull. Alexander-Arnold is homegrown. But here we are. 90 minutes away from a semi finals birth. With a squad that, on paper, is much weaker than the other teams playing. After having lost Coutinho and not replacing him. After getting rid of our better bench players like Sturridge without replacing them. You know why? Of course you do.

Liverpool is passion. And I’ll take passion over money any day. The Liverpool fan reception for Man City? Poor Man City players were probably terrified. That’s when the match was won. That passion that the fans have, fueled by the passion of a maniacal manager like Jurgen Klopp, that’s the advantage our players have over Man City. And Barcelona. And Real Madrid. And Bayern Munich.

Mohammed Salah. My favorite player who signed for my favorite team last summer. Thank you for being beyond my wildest dreams. Sadio Mane. The player that kept us afloat last season. Keep scoring my brother, you big game player. OX! You love playing Man City huh? Alexander-Arnold. You local kid. You future captain. Karius, Van Djik, Robertson, Firmino, Lovern, Klopp. Everyone came together. Everyone performed. And the man of the match. By far.

Anfield.

The best fans. In the world.

Anfield.

Europe’s greatest theater.

YNWA.

Freedom Over Fear

It’s weird.

I never, ever liked him. He was so weird. He was so different. He wasn’t fun. His name was silly and his outfit was goofy. I didn’t want to PAY to watch him. HOW ON EARTH. Did he have this big an effect on me?

You know my own motto, Freedom Over Fear, is inspired by one of his quotes? He was never my favorite super hero. How is he such a big part of my life, and how on earth, is it possible, that when I need to FIGHT, to persevere, I actually think of HIM?

Captain America?

I didn’t give him a fair chance. He kind of changed my life.

So I’m a nerd. I like comic books, and I like superheroes. Spider-Man, Iron Man, Black Panther.

But none of them SPEAK to me. They’re all fun. I love them. But one character, just speaks to everything I believe in. One character resonates with our modern world more than any other. One character has so much to offer us in the face of our problems today.

Let’s talk Captain America.

Unlike most superheroes, the issues that were raised in his movies speak directly to the issues we’re dealing with today. Government oppression, surveillance, the dangers of losing freedom. OK. Spoiler warning. If you haven’t seen the Winter Soldier and Civil War, then number one, WHY ON EARTH HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THESE TWO MASTERPIECES OF MOVIES OMG YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON LITERALLY THE BEST MOVIES EVER GO WATCH THEM NOW. Number two, I’m going to discuss the plot and outcomes of both movies. So. Kindly go watch these two movies that YOU SHOULD HAVE ALREADY SEEN, and come back please.

The movie that changed my life.

I’m a very political person. Extremely political. I studied politics. Live it. Breathe it. And I have certain views on the direction my country is heading in.

We’re going to be the villains of tomorrow’s text books. Our government oppresses and destroys people all around the world. In the aftermath of the attacks on 9/11, we reacted with fear, agreeing to give up our rights and freedoms in the catastrophe that is the Patriot Act. I believe that freedom is dying in America.

In Winter Soldier, I felt that the movie reflected what I believed early on, when Captain Rogers was standing next to the director of SHIELD, Nick Fury, as the director explained to him that SHIELD now had the ability to spy on every single person in the world, determine threats, and take them out. No due process. Nothing. The dictatorship under the guise of freedom. Under the guise of protecting the majority. The power that leads to tyranny. And Captain America said the words that inspired my favorite motto.

“This isn’t freedom. This is fear.”

Of course it turned out HYDRA had infiltrated SHIELD, and Captain America had to take both down. Fighting against and fleeing from the agency he was supposed to work for.

“It all has to go. SHIELD, HYDRA, all of it.”

He wins. He rallies people to his side.

“The price of freedom is high. And if I’m the only one willing to pay it, so be it. But I’m willing to be I’m not.”

Bless you Captain Rodgers.

Enter Civil War. Marvel’s greatest movie. A masterpiece.

After the Avengers accidentally kill innocent people while trying to bring down the villain Crossbones, the UN decides that the Avengers need to now be under their control. And who proposes this but the former Black Panther himself, King of Wakanda, who wants the world to control the Avengers while he would never himself give up his freedom as a super hero. Reason 1 of 10 billion why T’Challa is way better than T’Chaka, but that’s another post and another argument.

The world turns on the Avengers, Iron Man leads the heroes who believe that the Avengers should give up their autonomy to the UN. But Captain America, Captain America, Steve Rodgers turns to him, and gives him one of my favorite quotes from any Marvel movie ever.

“It (the UN) is run by people with agendas. And agendas change.”

The very idea of giving the power of the Avengers to the UN was not something Rodgers was willing to entertain. He knows, even if they are good today, and they are not, giving THIS POWER, to people with agendas will only invite a future where this power is abused.

Captain America fought the world. And as they said in Spider-Man Homecoming, he’s a wanted man now. He fled his country. He turned his back on the world when the world reacted to dark times with fear. He chose to fight for what was right, and not what was popular.

This is why I love this character so much. This is why Steve Rodgers is so amazing. Such a beautiful character. And he’s not the most popular one.

There was an article written after Civil War came out titled “Rooting for Captain America is un-American.” Because Captain America’s last two movies were examples of the dark path America is on. We’ve given away too much freedom for fear. We’ve given up too many rights. We’ve given the government, the CIA, NSA, US Military, too much power. And it’s easy to give up freedom when you’re scared. It’s easy to give power when you live in fear. It’s a much more challenging task to take that power away. Do you think these organizations are ever going to voluntarily give up their power?

We’re taught that the Chinese government is evil for monitoring their citizens online activities. Then we learn that the US government does the same thing, working with companies like Facebook to collect information on YOU. Are we really free?

We are taught that our soldiers are finest of the fine. Then they commit war crimes in Iraq, Vietnam, Korea, Afghanistan, and who knows where. Black sites where our CIA officers torture people who haven’t been accused of anything. Is this freedom? Are we really better than the Chinese?

We reign terror on an endless list of countries through drones, we run around talking crap about leaders we don’t like, such as Russia’s Putin. He puts on fake elections! But while we talk democracy in Russia, we fund presidents who fake elections and oppress people all over the world, like El-Sisi in Egypt.

We want to fight for women’s rights, human rights, while allying ourselves with the Earth’s most ruthless government on both issues, Saudi Arabia. We help them kill in Yemen. And in Syria.

Are we the good guys?

I’ve been thinking so much about this lately. We aren’t the good guys. We are the villains. We aren’t better than Russia. Or China. They kill their own people? We kill hundreds of thousands all around the world. Is the massacre of people of a different nationality acceptable? Are we only as bad as Russia and China if we kill Americans? Russia was evil when they went into Crimea. We had to sanction them.

How dare we? The country that lied to the world and went into Iraq to destroy the entire region, oversee the massacre of a nation and the rise of ISIS. Lecturing another country on invading?

We are not the good guys. And Captain America is the one hero I’ve ever seen that made me feel like it was OK to think this way. That being an American, that loving America, doesn’t mean offering the US my blind loyalty. That when we are wrong, it’s my human obligation to stand against what we are doing. Captain America is not Okoye. If you watched Black Panther you know Okoye to be the general of the King’s personal guard. I hated Okoye.

When Killmonger rose to the throne, she was faced with her friend, Nakia. Nakia assumed that Okoye would help her bring down Killmonger. But Okoye refused. Knowing he was wrong. Knowing he was evil. Knowing he would hurt millions. She said the lines that I hated the most in that movie.

“I am loyal to that throne, no matter who sits on it.”

Nakia was the one I loved. She reminded me of Captain America. (Note to self, Nakia- Captain Wakanda)

“I don’t serve my country. I save my country.”

You don’t stand with injustice. Even if it’s the hardest thing you have to do. Captain America is like Nakia. But with Captain America it hits home more.

Because America is a real place. That I love. So damn much. America is my country. And how is one supposed to feel, when they know that their country is the villain.

We are no longer the land of the free, but the land of the scared. We elect people on fear. We invade countries out of fear. We kill, we abuse, we torture, we bomb. We have too much power.

“This isn’t freedom. This is fear.”

The Greatest Shot

So this is a really cool moment, because I’m writing about something I’ve always wanted to write about, something I care deeply about, but something I never thought I’d get to ever write.

UMBC.

The Retrievers University in Baltimore is one of the most special places on earth to me. It was my home for four years and I graduated from there with a degree in Political Science, but that’s only half the story. I’m going to share with you some background information, giving you some insight into why I love this school so much, and why I’m so happy today.

There’s a good chance you already know why I’m happy though, (THANK YOU JARIUS LYLES) but we’ll talk about that in a second.

So I never really thought I’d get into college. I was never a good student, I didn’t enjoy school, and I never got good grades. Don’t get me wrong, I knew a lot. I loved learning. That much is very true. I studied A LOT of history and politics. I knew a lot about what I enjoyed learning. But I found it SO HARD to focus on subjects I had NO INTEREST in at all, such as MATHEMATICS.

Not only that, I never went to high school. After finishing middle school, I traveled to Egypt where I spent a year. I got my high school diploma through this home schooling program called the American school, which I finished when I got back to the US. I rushed through it, never got into any of my books, and got good enough grades for them to mail me a diploma without ever having spent a second in a classroom.

So here I was. 17. Now what. Well, I had no money, I couldn’t go to college, but I wanted to learn more about what I liked. So I applied to the local community college, Montgomery College, and for a year and a half, I got to study what I actually enjoyed. I got the best grades I’ve ever had, and after a year and a half I was ready to apply to university. I now had the grades to get in, thanks to Montgomery College, and I had a wonderful and beautiful experience studying at MC, because I studied what I enjoyed, which turned out to be not the best of ideas.

I applied to two universities in my home state of Maryland. Salisbury University and my dream school, UMCP. University of Maryland, College Park. I got into Salisbury. UMCP wanted me to go back and take some math credits to transfer. Or something like that. When I applied they didn’t reject me, but they didn’t accept me either. They wanted something more, and truth be told, I completely forgot what they wanted.

But, some problems arose. I didn’t have enough money to go to Salisbury. The university was 3 hours away from my parents’ home, and I couldn’t afford housing in Salisbury. So I was stuck again, and I was thinking maybe I should just go back to MC and apply next year or something. I’ll save up some money or something. But at the last possible hour, right before the application deadline had passed, and after it had passed for quite a few universities, my friend, let’s call him D for now since I don’t want to share his name, called me up. He was a student at UMBC, which I had never really heard much about. I told him I was thinking of going back, and he told me to apply to UMBC.

I had absolutely no confidence in my application, and truth be told, I put in so much less effort that I did with UMCP. I just answered honestly, I didn’t try to go crazy impressing the school.

A little while later, I come home from work, pick up the mail, and I see a big fat envelope with a giant Retriever on it.

My dad was in Egypt at the time, and I remember how happy my parents were. I don’t think they thought I would ever go to university either. But UMBC had accepted me in, and since Baltimore was only 45 minutes north of where I grew up, it was not too far, not too expensive. I was a Retriever.

UMBC was kind of like a relief to me. Just getting there on day one, I was so happy. Its not hyperbole when I tell you that I honestly never thought I’d get to university. I just thought it was one of those things that were too expensive, to difficult to attain. But a Retriever I was. And for four years, I got to meet and learn from some of the best people I’ve ever met. Special shout outs to my favorite professors there, who I will name.

Dr. Michelle Stefano, who changed my life. I think of all the teachers who have ever taught me, none have had the effect on my life that she has. I took her American studies class to fulfill a requirement, and I remember sitting in class on the first day, and hearing her say we’d have to go into the heart of Baltimore to interview people and I was like “I’ve got to drop this class. She wants way too much.” But thank God I didn’t drop that class. Dr. Stefano has so much passion, so much love for what she does, she got me to care about a subject that if I’m being really honest, is INSANELY BORING TO ME. She is my favorite professor of all time, favorite teacher ever, and she inspires me so much. If I can live my life with the same passion she has, life would be amazing. She is a wonderful teacher, and a wonderful human being, and I’m so glad that I got to study with her.

Dr. Brigid Starkey. Another thank you to her as well. Now Dr. Starkey didn’t really change my life, and her style of teaching wasn’t really that unique, but she was just someone I was comfortable with. Whenever I had an option in course, and one of those course were taught by Dr. Starkey, I took her course. She made her class welcoming, safe, and enjoyable. I once took a once a week, 3 hour evening class with her, that did not get boring. She even tolerated my harsh criticisms of world leaders, mostly the Israelis, Egyptians, Saudis and Iranians. I felt comfortable around her, and I think she liked me as well, since she always encouraged me to share my thoughts and say what was on my mind. So Dr. Starkey, if you ever read this, thank you. I’m not gonna send this to you.

This post is kind of getting longer than I had intended. I met so many great people at UMBC. I learned so much. President Hrabowski, whose name I had to Google, a wonderful man who has his priorities straight. A great leader. Dr. Laura Hussey, who was my adviser and teacher, and she helped make things easier for me when I needed help.

I love the campus. UMBC is my home. And so we get to why I’m so happy, and so proud of UMBC today.

We’ve always sucked at sports. Or, big sports. We had that final four run in soccer when I was a student, but we sucked at basketball. Like, amazingly awful. Yesterday UMBC pulled off a massive upset to see off Vermont and advance to the NCAA tournament for the first time in ten years. I was so happy, when I saw that we had won (THANK YOU KEVIN) and I felt this amazing sense of joy. I don’t watch college sports, but if there is one place I want to see happy, its my school. I want the country to see it for the amazing place that it is. And I know its lacking in many ways, but for me, it’s all I ever wanted.

But that’s not all. We beat Vermont! A school we haven’t beaten for 10 years. Who spoiled the opening of our new arena by killing us in Baltimore. A school defending it’s crown on it’s home court, and a rivalry so one-sided it makes the Barcelona-Espanoyl rivalry look like the Milan Derby. Soccer reference! Long short, we were the underdogs. ESPN had Vermont at a 95% chance of winning….BEFORE THE GAME. So we weren’t supposed to win. In their house. After a decade of losing. This was their game.

But he made the shot.

So congratulations to my favorite campus in the US, thank you for making me so happy. Let’s shock the world.

When Anxiety Attacks

Sometimes life comes at you like a brick. And that’s me speaking from experience. Someone just throws a brick that hits you in the head. You were going about your day in the most normal way you can, then next thing you know, you’re down. You forgot what was happening, and all you have in pain.

I’m writing this post while going through an anxiety attack. Right now my mind is racing and I have the urge to stop writing, to just ignore what I want to do. But I’m going to do all I can to publish this post. Mostly for myself. I want to know that I can do this. If nothing else, let this be a journal entry.

Anxiety attacks are like a giant brick that come out of no-where. Life just stops, and all you feel is the pain in your head, the beating of your heart, the fear and the urge to cry and scream and shout. You want to pull out your hair and bang your head and you plead with God to help you. It’s an awful experience.

I’ve had for a while. I’ve been dealing with it. Sometimes all it takes to calm me down is the reminder of something beautiful. A beautiful memory. I call it my Patronus- a beautiful memory to fight the dementor that is anxiety. Sometimes its that simple. Sometimes, usually, that’s not enough.

Anxiety and depression are two of my closest and oldest friends. They visit me more often than anything else, and they always have me feeling afraid. Afraid of everything. I get scared to get too close to people, to make friends. To go to the movies, to watch soccer. Just a few weeks ago, I stayed up waiting for the Liverpool vs West Ham game. The game was scheduled to be played at 2 AM Korean time. I stayed up. At 2 AM I was feeling anxious. Depressed. Alone. I didn’t watch the game.

I don’t know what good this post will do. The fact that I have anxiety and depression is nothing new, I’ve written about this before. And I have nothing to add either. I don’t have a cure, or a solution. But I just want to write. I want to write because for a split second, when I’m writing, I can sometimes, if I’m lucky, forget what I’m feeling. So perhaps this is a useless post about nothing, adding nothing. Maybe it’s my therapy. Forgive it.

I’m trying something new. I’m scared to face anxiety. Its like I want to out. I want to go for a walk. I want to write. But there is a big spider in my way. Right in front of the door. It’s probably harmless. But I’m still scared. It’s my anxiety spider. I want to write. I don’t want to fear the spider. Or think about the spider. How do I get the spider to get out of my house? How do I overcome this fear of this harmless creature? This mind trick. No one else sees the spider. No one else can hear my pain. And I want to get out.

If this sounds familiar to you. If this reminds you of something, then I’m sorry. I know you can hear my pain, and I can hear yours. This is fight we face together, but our battles are ones we can only win on our own. Because at the end of the day, it’s YOUR mind. The darkest times are when you’re alone. At 2 AM. Wanting to watch a game. And that spider comes out. No one else is there to help. It’s our fight together, but no one can fight our battles with us.

I think that’s all for now.

You’ll Never Walk Alone

People who know Hesham know that I live for soccer. I live and breathe the sport. One of my earliest memories in life is watching Egypt play in the Africa Cup of Nations. Egypt vs South Africa in the 1998 final. Egypt won 2-0. That was before we switched to red. Those cool green outfits, that matched the independence colors. Anyways, my parents lived soccer, I lived soccer, I love soccer. And those who know about my love for soccer probably know about my love for Liverpool. I’m a huge fan of the Merseyside Reds. But few people know why. This is that story.

When I first got into soccer I supported Zamalek SC. Zamalek is the preferred club of most of my family in Egypt. They are Egypt’s second biggest and second most successful club. Zamalek were the first club I ever supported. Now as my love for the game grew, I was introduced to European football. Europe has the highest levels of football in the world, and I quickly fell in love with Real Madrid. In a way, they reminded me of Zamalek. Like Zamalek, they wore an all-white kit, had connections to the royal family (in Zamalek’s case before the military coup) and they were both called the Royal club. Real Madrid won a lot, it was enjoyable watching them, but as I got more into European football, the more I learned that I didn’t like the Spanish league. Its so…..small. In reality, only two teams can win the league, and even the mega upset that happened was an Atletico victory. Knowing that the winner would either be Real Madrid or Barcelona took a lot of drama away, a lot of interest. I didn’t want to watch the Deportivo La Corona game. I wanted to watch the Premier League. And guess what team I chose to follow there?

You guessed it! Manchester City.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I supported Manchester City because they had a Middle Eastern owner. I supported when they won the league in 2012, which was a lot of fun. But as I got more accustomed to the premier league, as I watched more games and learned about the different clubs, I realized something. I was rooting for Manchester City to lose. When they played against Liverpool. I actually liked Liverpool more. The fan culture was like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Now at this point in time, Liverpool were awful. Fighting for a Europa League spot. But while the history and culture of Liverpool, it was their song that sealed the deal.

You’ll Never Walk Alone is the Liverpool anthem, and the song is sung before every game played. The words are on the club crest, on the Shankley gates at the stadium. And it’s a song that fills me with so much hope. Followers of this blog know about my history with depression. This is the song I sing to myself when I’m down.

“When you walk…through a storm…hold your head up high. And don’t…be afraid…of the dark….at the end…of rhe storm…there’s a golden sky…”

The song speaks to me. Don’t be afraid. Dance in the rain. You can get through this. I can get through this.

“Walk on….with hope….in you’re heart….and you’ll never..walk…alone.”

This is what music is supposed to do. MAKE YOU FEEL. How can this just be about sports. The club’s song and motto effect my life. Sometimes you just click. Sometimes you find your love.

I fell in love with Liverpool and I had never before felt that way about any club, in any sport, in any country, ever. I had never been to Liverpool, I was not English. But I loved feeling a part of the club. I loved the song that the fans sing. The club fills my heart with hope when I’m down. And that to me, is more than I can ask for as a sports fan. I wasn’t born a Liverpool fan. Its not even the first club I’ve ever supported. But I love the club. I feel happy when I watch them play, and when they win. Liverpool is more than a club for me. Its my escape and my happiness. So come on you Reds! From all over the world.

You’ll never walk alone.

Enjoy the music

You’ll Never Walk Alone Music Video

The President of Fear

No, this is not a post about Donald Trump. This is about my parents’ homeland. My second home. This is about the president of Egypt.

You will be forgiven for not knowing that Egypt is on the verge of a presidential….let’s call it an “election” for now. There are two candidates running. One, is the current president, Abdel Fattah El Sisi. The second, is one of his former campaign managers, who “nominated” himself after El Sisi imprisoned his opponents and barred them from running, only to realize that he was the only name on the ballot, and he had to put up a second candidate to at least maintain the lie.

Egypt knows that El Sisi will be the president for the next while. We know he will remain in power. This is not a post about his expensive show where he will crown himself Egypt’s “elected” Pharaoh for the second time. This is me, an Egyptian citizen, talking to you, a random individual, about the man who runs Egypt. Because unless you are Egyptian, chances are you don’t really care about the man who is running Egypt, and to be honest with you, why would you. But I care about this country, so I’ll go ahead and talk about him.

Abdel Fattah El Sisi is a fascist. He is a tyrant. He is a small, petty man who does not believe in the sanctity of human life and does not even believe in his own false nationalism.

El Sisi came to power on the backs of a nationalist revolution that overthrew the Muslim Brotherhood. Chants like “Egypt for Egyptians” and chants glorifying Egypt’s military, Pharaohs and ancestors were common throughout the nationalist revolution. One military commander in particular went on national tv proudly proclaiming “WE ARE PHARAOHS.” It was clear what was happening. Egypt, after decades of economic instability had gone far right. This was the first time in my life I’d seen Egypt head in the direction of “WE ARE BETTER THAN YOU.” We’re better than the Syrians – Syrian refugees were humiliated on national TV. We’re better than the Sudanese – we were Pharaohs after all. And who better to lead this wave of nationalism than the head of the military. General Abdel Fattah El Sisi.

El Sisi overthrew the president at that time, Mohammed Morsi, who while being a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, remains Egypt’s ONLY democratically elected leader in history. The government fell. And a new one rose up. And you might be thinking, well thats not anything new. Coups happen all the time in Africa. Egypt has always been autocratic. What’s the big news?

El Sisi was different. From the start he set himself apart from all other dictators in Egypt’s republican history. Many massacres preceded this one but nothing proved this point better than the Rabaa massacre on August 14th, 2013. A large protest movement of several tens of thousands had gathered at the Rabaa El Adawiya Square in Nasr City. Most of these people, not all, but most were supporters of the fallen president, Mohammed Morsi. El Sisi decided that he did not want them around, and on that hot summer day, in a massacre Human Rights watch called “worse than the Tiananmen Square massacre,” El Sisi’s military oversaw the worst massacre in Egypt’s history. Around 1000 people were killed – and those were just the ones we knew of – and Egypt’s new ruler had announced his arrival. His military killed thousands of people in one day. Peaceful protesters. To crush any dreams of a rebellion. He showed his hand early on. He wasn’t going to go down Mubarak’s road. (Egypt’s previous dictator who was overthrown in the 2011 revolution.) Mubarak killed people behind the scenes. Tortured. But not publicly. Publicly he pretended to be a friendly father figure. El Sisi didn’t care. He was going to kill you if you stood in his way. And he didn’t care if the whole world saw.

The Rabaa massacre was the start. El Sisi would go on to deport Syrian refugees back to the war. Mass arrests of citizens, activists and political opponents followed. He arrested Journalists. Domestic and foreign. He sentenced people to death for crimes that happened while they were already in his prisons. His government arrested, tortured, and killed an Italian students who asked too many questions. He bombed Yemen for no other reason than the fact that the Saudis wanted him too. He sold two Egyptian islands – Egyptian property – to Saudi Arabia. He arrested his political rivals like Sami Anan and his critics like Abdel Meonim Aboul Fotouh for criticism of his government. He increased the military budget while cutting money for housing and infrastructure. He blocked websites that criticized his government as well as those that, you know, reported news instead of propaganda. He made protesting illegal and all this under his promise – “I’ll make Egypt as great as the rest of the world.” “Om El Donia. Ad El Donia.”

I’m sure as I remember more I’ll add some on. My point is, El Sisi is a terrible human being, a tyrant and even a traitor for selling his own country for Saudi money. So why do people support him?

First, and most obvious reason, is brainwashing. El Sisi has complete control of the Egyptian media. There is nothing but praise for him. No one is allowed to critic him at all. If you watch Egyptian news you’ll see a nationalist program on 24/7 – the president is great, the military is great, and everything that’s wrong with the country is the fault of the Muslim Brotherhood. Or Obama. Or Turkey. Qatar. Insert enemy of the week here.

Reason number two is nationalism. And that’s what I really want to talk about. Egypt is going through a far right, ultra nationalistic moment, where refugees are being deported, every single person who critics the government is a traitor and a spy, and the Egyptian flag means more than anything else in the world.

As an Egyptian citizen, all I have to say is this.

I really hate Egypt.

And while you guys know I love Egypt the homeland, I hate the modern incarnation of Egypt. This Egypt asks EVERYTHING from her citizens. We owe her our loyalty. Our blind support. Our lives when needed. And in return, we get nothing. Egypt gives nothing back. The government survives on the praising of the ancestors. And yes, Egyptians as a nation have given more to human civilizations than most nations can. And that’s not me showing some patriotism, that’s an opinion based on the historical facts that I’ve acquired in my life. Everyone everywhere has heard of Egypt. Egypt gave more to human history than most can dream of. But that means NOTHING today. It means NOTHING. This government can loudly proclaim “WE ARE PHARAOHS.” Pharaohs? No we are not. Ancient Egypt by the way had one of the largest wealth gaps of any civilization ever. So while the Pharaohs lived large, the Egyptians lived in hell. Huh. Maybe we’re back to the age of the Pharaohs after all.

We are light years behind the rest of the world. Egyptians are given nothing back for their loyalty to that flag. To that army. Our education? Second worst in Africa. Healthcare? Human rights? Workers rights? Democracy? Prosperity? All foreign to Egyptians. They have lived under an iron fist, and a government that survives by telling them “WE ARE SPECIAL BECAUSE WE WERE PHARAOHS ONCE. Remember the Caliphate? WE WERE GREAT THEN TOO. How about the Egyptian uprisings against the colonialists? WEREN’T THOSE AWESOME???????”

We’re on the wrong path. This country is led by terrible people. Who do terrible things to innocent people. Who abuse the poor and needy. Who kill the free thinkers. Who promote hatred and division among st the people of this earth. And I know that to a lot of Egyptian my words are treasonous. But I would gladly betray my country when it is wrong, before I ever betray my humanity.

This government must fall. The president is a tyrant. Egypt is a tyrannical hell. And it pains me so much to write that. Almost makes me cry. Because I don’t want this. I don’t want us to be the cause of so much harm in the world. To people in Syria. To people in Yemen. To people in Egypt. I wish Egypt could one day be the welcoming place where thinking is not banned. Where freedom is not outlawed. Where we don’t live in fear of a man tyrant.

But until then, in the immortal words of Hans Scholl, a German who died fighting the Nazis, “Es lebe die Freiheit.”

Why I can no longer support the Washington…..football team

I’m not the biggest football fan. I’m more of a soccer and basketball kind of guy. When I was younger, I used to follow the Indianapolis Colts. Team won a lot, they had cool jerseys, that’s all I needed to know about that.  My interest in the Colts and the NFL disappeared as I got older. I had no connections to Indiana, never been to a Colts game, and my interest just got weaker and weaker until I no longer cared.

When I got accepted into college, it was in the fine city of Baltimore. The city the Colts betrayed, and a city with their own team, the Ravens. I loved Baltimore, fell in love with the Ravens, and I started following the Ravens with growing interest, while keeping an eye on the Colts as well, but that was mainly because I usually told people I was a Colts fan, and felt that I needed to keep up with the team.

But when I graduated college, I stopped watching football all together. I didn’t really care about the Colts anymore, and it was much funner to watch the Ravens in Baltimore, when the whole city would be either jubilant or depressed at the games results.

But this season I had decided to start watching the NFL again, out of a sense of home sicknesses, football brought back memories of Sunday afternoons where my siblings and I would stay in front of the TV watching as many games as we were allowed to. I decided I needed to start fresh and that I would root for one of my two home teams. One on hand I had the Ravens, who I already liked quite a bit, and on the other hand we had Washington. I decided to support Washington. Growing up there had always been way more Washington fans than Ravens fans in my area, and seeing that I lived much closer to DC than Baltimore, it made sense.

I had fun watching the team, but the more I learned about the team the less I liked it. The Washington team has a long and storied rivalry with….the native peoples of the Americas. For some reason, this organization insists on using a name and mascot that offends and mocks the Native peoples of the Americas. And they insist on it in the most colonizing way imaginable. By telling the native people HOW they should feel. Let me know if you’ve heard this one before.

“The name is meant to empower. To honor them.”

“Most Americans don’t find the name offensive.”

Let’s talk about these two quotes. Because I’ve heard both quite a lot.

The first one. You can’t tell people what does and doesn’t honor them. That word means proof of Indian kill, it empowers and honors no one. If they don’t like it, you can’t force them to like it because you like it. It’s like walking up to me and telling me “you’re really ugly.” But as soon as I get upset at an obvious insult you respond with, “whoa whoa whoa! That was a respectful way of saying that any woman who loves you would fall in love with your personality. Uhhhh, you’re welcome!”

You can’t tell people how to feel! If people don’t want to be called a certain R word, then don’t call them that damn R word!

The second quote is even dumber. MOST AMERICANS AREN’T OFFENDED. Oh? Oh my. Well then, all I have to say is….who cares what most Americans think about this? The ONLY people who have any right to BE offended are the indigenous peoples! You can’t walk down a street in DC asking a DC fan who is NOT a Native if they aren’t offended! Only the First Nations have the right to determine whether or not a certain word offends them.

So it’s simple for me. Sports are NOT worth the humiliation and degradation of human beings. I will not support a team that thinks it’s ok to offend and mock the native peoples of this land in order to play a game. That is not worth it. The Washington football team is classless and racist and that cannot be the team I root for. No sports team is worth this. Supporting the Ravens was fun, being around the stadium was enjoyable. Supporting Washington is…..it feels wrong when you understand where this organization stands. And as far as I’m concerned, the choice for any Marylander is simple. Your team should not be the racist one.